I have never considered myself a paranoid person or even someone that struggles with anxiety. But recently I found myself diagnosing Kai (second of four kids) with a heart attack; while on the drive to school he held his hand up from the back seat and said “mom, its not working right.” Then when i look back a second later he was slumped over. Clearly signs of a heart attack.
FM boot on hearing aid
What is wrong with me? I spent the next 20 minutes of the drive wondering when I became howard hughes? when did I become the overly paranoid person/mom that looks up meningitis online just because someone complains of their neck hurting? I was sharing this story with a friend and they said “yeah, you’d think the more kids you have the more relaxed you’d become.” Yet here I am, convinced that every abnormal bit of behavior means a round of puke is about to travel through our home.
But I don’t think I am abnormal, I think most moms have some kind of illness they fear. But is my fear justified? That is the real question. I cannot control viruses or even bacteria as they travel and land all over their kid-sized world. I have to conclude that I have always been this anxious person and it manifests itself as a lack of trust and a need for control every now and again. So it just all comes back to Jesus and whether or not my heart and my head is aligned with what I know of a faithful God who loves my kids way more than I can imagine.
So a few days after this first ‘almost’ heart attack we were on the way home from church when Kai says, again, “mom my hands don’t work right.” This time I was able to watch closely (since Jason was driving) to see that as he tried to spread his fingers apart he wasn’t showing 5 separate fingers but rather a spockish Star Trek hand gesture… not because he was having a heart attack but because his fingers were sticking together from something he had eaten.
Oh yea, kids are messy. I forgot. So case closed. And my hope is redirected back to Jesus.
